“Of course it’s pretty.”
That’s how most of us would respond when our child — maybe with a pout or a flick of their own coily hair — whispers that dreaded line:
“Curly hair isn’t pretty.”
We reassure them. We speak words of love. We point to our own curls.
But often, we stop there.
And that’s where the real problem begins.
Because the truth is: your child didn’t learn to think this on their own.
They learned it by design.
How Is Beauty Defined?
Before you can fix anything, you have to ask:
Where did they get this idea in the first place?
Look around.
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Their favorite doll has long, straight blond hair.
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The cartoons they watch? Mostly light-skinned, smooth-haired protagonists.
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Their classroom? Posters filled with Eurocentric imagery.
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Even your compliments — maybe unintentionally — praise “tamed” hair days more than wild ones.
Your child is absorbing this reality passively, day after day.
And representation is mindshare.
Mindshare becomes standard.
And standards shape what your child will believe about themselves.
So when they say “curly hair isn’t pretty,” it’s not a personal opinion.
It’s the reflection of a world they were subtly trained to accept.
Stop Talking. Start Rebuilding.
Too often, we reach for band-aid solutions.
A pep talk here. A “you’re beautiful the way you are” there.
But if the books on their shelf don’t feature characters who look like them…
If the dolls they hold don’t carry their skin tone or texture…
If every media input tells them beauty is something else…
Then no amount of words will do.
Because the design of their environment will always win.
Imagine a wall in your home that keeps falling down.
You could keep patching it up, again and again.
Or — you could re-architect it properly and be done with it.
One is a one-time investment. The other? A lifetime of emotional debt.
Which one are you choosing?
Movies, Books, and Dolls: Your Child’s Reality is Built with These
We often underestimate the tools we hand our kids.
But these tools are more than toys or stories — they are blueprints for what your child believes is “normal,” “beautiful,” and “desirable.”
Here’s how to shift the blueprint:
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Books: Fill your child’s library with characters that reflect them — their hair, skin, names, and struggles.
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Dolls: Choose toys that represent your family’s diversity — not just racial, but cultural and religious.
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Shows: Curate what they watch. Seek out creators who prioritize inclusion. Yes, it takes effort. But it pays back in identity security.
Don’t wait for the mainstream to “catch up.”
Build your own shelves. Your own libraries. Your own heroes.
We’re Not Just Raising Kids. We’re Raising Standards.
When you build a new environment, you’re not just helping your child feel good about their curls.
You’re telling them:
“You were never the problem. The world just didn’t make room for you — so we will.”
Because if we don’t fix the foundation, our children will keep growing up believing they’re “less than,” even when we keep telling them they’re “enough.”
Representation is mindshare. Mindshare becomes the standard.
It’s time we start designing the standard ourselves.